I'm trying to convince myself
that your absence
will end.

I devise reasons
I look for paths
that I know before hand
that are lost.

But I need to keep talking to you.
Making you present
in my loneliness.

I can't lie to you:
I'm afraid of losing you
afraid of hearing
reality saying that
one of those days
our paths will go
in different directions
and it was fun
while it lasted.

In other moments
I'm afraid of forgetting you:
I have tried to replace you
but those are
little unsustainable
lies.

I hide under a
dripping shelter
and I always come back
to you.

I recognize it:
I have a little,
tiny and jealous
heart
which gets dirty
too easily.

Sometimes,
When I fall in my own
meanness
I like to punish myself.

Sorry, maybe
I should not tell you those things.

And then,
you come back.

You are the light
I cannot explain.